Jacki Silber

Grieving Your Loss

"Each new life...

no matter how fragile or brief

 forever changes the world"

-Author Unknown

Surviving the loss of a perinatal or infant loss can be devastating and overwhelming.

Regardless of the circumstances, Jacki can help you to find a way to both grieve and honor your baby.

Please feel free to contact Jacki if she can be of any assitance.

 

 

Other Resources

HAND: Helping After Neonatal Death website offers groups, phone support, and comprehensive website, all done by parent volunteers who have experienced the loss of a child.

Life After Loss: A support for families who made the decision to end a wanted pregnancy at California Pacific Medical Center in San Francisco. Contact Kerstin Spangner (415) 600-2628

 

Mourners Bill of Rights

1. You have the right to experience your own unique grief. No one else will grieve in exactly the same way you do. So, when you turn to other for help, don't allow them to tell you what you should or should not be feeling.
2. You have the right to talk about your grief. Talking about your grief will help you heal. Seek out others who will allow you to talk as much as you want, as often as you want, about your grief. If at times you don't feel talking, you have the right to be silent.
3. You have the right to feel a multitude of emotions. Confusion, disorientation, fear, guilt, and relief are just a few of the emotions you might feel as part of your grief journey. Other may try to tell you that feeling angry, for example, is wrong. Don't take these judgmental responses to heart. Instead, find listeners who will accept your feelings without condition.
4. You have the right to be tolerant of your physical and emotional limits. Your feelings of loss and sadness will probably leave you feeling fatigued. Respect what your body and mind are telling you. Get daily rest. Eat balanced meals. Don't allow others to push you into doing things you don't feel ready to do.
5. You have the right to experience " griefbursts". Sometimes, out of nowhere, a powerful surge of grief may overcome you. This can be frightening, but is normal and natural. Find some who understands and will let you talk it out.
6. You have the right to make use of ritual. The funeral ritual does more than acknowledge the death of someone loved. It helps provide you with the support of caring people. More importantly, the funeral is a way for you to mourn. If others tell you he funeral or other healing rituals such as these aren't necessary, don't listen.
7. You have the right to make use of spirituality. If faith is part of your life, express it in ways that seem appropriate to you. Allow yourself to be around people who understand and support your religious beliefs. If you feel angry at God, find someone to talk to who won't be critical of your feelings of hurt and abandonment.
8. You have the right to search for meaning. You may find yourself asking "Why did he or she die? Why this way? Why now?" Some of your questions have answers, but some may not. And watch out for the clichéd responses some people may give you. Comments like, "It was God's will" or "Think of what you have to be thankful for" are not helpful and you do not have to accept them.
9. You have the right to treasure your memories. Memories are one of the best legacies that exist after the death of someone loved. You will always remember. Instead of ignoring your memories, find others with whom you can share them.
10. You have the right to move toward your grief and heal. Reconciling your grief will not happen quickly. Remember, grief is a process, not an event. Be patient and tolerant with yourself and avoid people who are impatient and intolerant with you. Neither you nor those around you must forget that the death of someone loved changes your life forever.